The Cult of Masculinity
by Purple Mouse
Summary: Societal pressures to be 'Manly' take their toll on Nuriko. Silly, silly, sugar-induced script. ~.^;;


Stuff to Read First: What do I do when I procrastinate ****

Stuff to Read First: What do I do when I procrastinate??? I write psychotic parodies like THIS!! Um, Duo from Gundam Wing has a cameo appearance, but other than that, it's all FY people. Hope you like! ^_^

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Disclaimers: Although I _do _own many Fushigi Yuugi video tapes and CDs (too many for me to be considered even remotely normal), I do _not_ own the characters which appear in the following silly script. Likewise, I do not own Duo. He, like the others, lives in my mind and talks to me when I'm bored. ~.^;; BUT, he does not belong to me. Hmm, what else? I'm in this story, too. I own myself. Or, I like to think I do. ^_^

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Warnings: Umm, this is a parody, so…OOC and then some, plus mocking of characters of whom I am very fond (so it's nothin' personal!). 

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The Cult of Masculinity

(A Dramatic Title for a Not-So-Dramatic Fic)

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Mouse: Gahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I hate school!

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Duo: Whazzup?

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Mouse: I hate school.

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Duo: Why?

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Mouse: Because I have an oral presentation to give tomorrow, and I don't wanna do it.

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Duo: Well, remember that time I was captured by OZ and they beat me up and stuff?

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Mouse: …Yeah…

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Duo: That was possibly worse than having to do an oral presentation.

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Mouse: Shut up.

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Nuriko: Yo, dudes! How's it hangin'?!!! [_flops down on the sofa and wipes his nose with his sleeve_] We have any pork rinds? Hey, Duo! How's the gundam, man?! Wow, I love machines! Machines and…metal and…uh…hammers! [_punches Duo into the wall_]

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Mouse: What…the hell.

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Duo: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Nuriko's trying to act more like a guy.

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Mouse: By punching people into walls?! He did that when he was girly!!

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Nuriko: Hey, you guys wanna go out later and wrestle alligators or something?!!

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All: NO!!!

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Nuriko: [_mutters to himself_] Buncha sissies.

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Hotohori: Nuriko…I fear you are having a slight identity crisis…

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Tasuki: Uhh, I think his identity crisis began a loooooooong time ago, if ya know what I mean.

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Hotohori: Shut up. Nuriko…

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Nuriko: [_hacks up a loogie and spits it over the side of the sofa_]

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Hotohori: [_winces_] Nuriko?

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Nuriko: Yes, Oh Wise Heika, Hotohori-sama, Ruler of Konan, whom I love but platonically because after all I'm a guy?

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Hotohori: Look…you're not acting yourself…

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Nuriko: Sure I am! [_burps_]

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Hotohori: [_whispers to Mouse_] My goodness, he's far gone! What can we do??

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Mouse: Just leave it to me. Hey, Nuriko!

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Nuriko: Yah?

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Mouse: Wanna go watch 'Titanic' with me?

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Nuriko: 'Titanic'?!! I LOVE that m…uh…..I mean, uh, of course not!! That's a chick flick! I was, uh, just on my way out to rent 'Half Baked'…

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Mouse: Nuriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiko…it's got Leonardo di Caaaaaaaaaaaaaprio……

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Nuriko: What are you implying??? I don't like Leo!! He's been corrupted by Hollywood!! Now, that guy from 'Good Will Hunting', on the other hand…

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Mouse: HAH!!! Gotcha!!!

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Nuriko: Dammit.

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Hotohori: Nice save.

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Mouse: Sure thing.

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Nuriko: [_sniff_] I just wanted to be manly!!!

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Hotohori: Listen, Nuriko: we don't _care_ if you're manly or not! We like you for YOU!! We like you for being a confused, girly, slightly neurotic cross-dresser. If you were _really_ an obnoxious, loogie-spitting, nose-wiping, machine-loving, alligator-wrestling, pork rind-eating clod, uh…well, we'd like you too!

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Mouse: …Possibly.

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Duo: Of course you'd like him! You like Tasuki, don't you?

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Tasuki: HEY!!! I don't eat pork rinds!!

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Nuriko: Really, Hotohori-sama?

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Hotohori: Of course.

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Nuriko: Does that mean you'll go on a date with me?

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Hotohori: Uhhhhhh…_no._

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Nuriko: Curses.

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THE END

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Mouse: AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS…Can anyone guess???

Nuriko: Ooh, ooh, I know!!! Always be yourself!!

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Hotohori: Your true friends will like you for who you are.

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Mouse: Ummm….sure, that works…I was thinking more along the lines of 'Don't consume sugar at 11:00 pm, for insanity will ensue,' but yeah, yours are very good, too. Very _moral_.

[_Pause_]

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Nuriko: Mouse-chan, you need serious help.

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Mouse: You know it's true when you hear it from _Nuriko_, of all people… 

^_^


End file.
